Confidence
6 August 2008
Ive been doing a lot of workshops recently on confidence and self-esteem. The two words seem to be inter-changeable but the more I do these course the more I am able to make a distinction between the two.
For me confidence is about having the ability to do something. Although you may feel anxious and have doubts about yourself you may still be confident in a particular ability. Its a "belief in ones own abilities".
Self-esteem, I think, is more of a core feeling, "it is the opinion you have of yourself, the judgements you make about yourself and the value you place upon yourself as a person" (M Fennell).
Our self-esteem can fluctuate but there will always be a default position and this has been influenced by your childhood, the messages you received from others as a child and your life experiences. This then forms your belief system which we can carry with us from childhood into adulthood.
So people may have low self-esteem but still have confidence to do certain things, you don need to be outgoing to be confident.
So the next time you say I want to be confident ask yourself "confident to do what?" as confidence is having the ability to do something specific.
Journeys
31 August 2008
I was at a PR talk recently and the speaker stated that everyone had a story to tell. The stories come from our journeys in life. Where we are now, is due to the journeys we have been on in our lives.
Who we are as people, our beliefs and values have been shaped by the experiences we have had throughout our lives starting from when we were born.
As I look back I can recognise some significant moments that have shaped me in one way or another. On the whole these have been exciting if somewhat daunting events but by living through these I have grown in confidence which in turn has affected the way I interact with people.
Not all life experiences are pleasant, but they can still make us stronger or help us to challenge our negative beliefs if we allow ourselves to reflect openly and honestly.
Whatever your journey has been, today is the start of your next journey so you may as well make it as exciting, stimulating and fulfilling as you want it to be.
Challenge Your Thinking
9 November 2008
A lot of my work involves helping people to be aware of not only what they are thinking but also the impact that thoughts have on their feelings and actions.
A cognitive behavioural approach highlights the sequence of events to which we put an interpretation which leads to thoughts and susequently feelings. How we feel then determines how we behave.
This is a well recognised approach to managing anxiety and depression but it is also something that all of us can use in our everyday life.
Most of the time we aren aware of our thoughts or even our actions as we get into routines or habits of doing and thinking. It is only when we stop and analyse what we are saying to ourselves that we can grow and move on from the mundane in our lives. Anthony Robbins tells us to "Raise Your Standards" why are we settling for what is just OK? Allow ourselves the time to think beyond what we already know - the only limitation is our imagination and there is no limitation with that. When we start challenging our limited or restrictive thoughts then we can start to move forward to make our lives what we want them to be.
So don just accept what is, think what could it be and then rise to the challenge of achieving it!
Moving Forward
4 January 2009
Happy New Year to you!
I always find January an exciting time as it is a chance to start the new year afresh with ideas, enthusism and energy. I hope you have been able to look back on 2008 with a satisfied sigh and no regrets. Did you achieve what you wanted? Do you have no regrets? Do you find yourself in a different mind set than at the start of 2008? If so, well done and congratulations! Sometimes it is all too easy to drift along and just let things happen to us. To make changes requires effort and getting out of our comfort zone or changing our perception about ourselves. However if we want to look back on our lives when we are in our 80s, 90s or 100s we need to start making things happen today. Take a little time out to ask yourself what do you want to do in 2009? How can you make things different for yourself? Write your thoughts down and put them somewhere where you can see them everyday. Even better share them with someone else which can kick start motivation to act. I use various strategies to get me back on the road to make changes for myself which brings about excitement and certainly some apprehension as well! So get going with the start of an exciting and eventful 2009. Good luck!
De-cluttering
23 March 2009
After a few fantastic days of Spring weather I am in the mood for de-cluttering and spring cleaning. There is something amazing about sunshine that enables me to look afresh at my life, home and environment. I have taken the opportunity to look at each room in my house and moved furniture, changed over pictures and ornaments and made plans for bigger structural changes. The garden has also invited me to repot, plan, sew and develop new areas. Gone is a flower bed and in its place my new vegetable bed!
Having done this physically, so it is psychologically. Following on from Januarys goals it has been good to revise them, reignite them or simply achieve them. Perhaps its time to let go of stagnant or draining relationships and give yourself space for new ones. Everything seems possible in the warm Spring weather. So go on, make good use of your renewed energy and start living the life you want.
China
23 June 2009
Have just come back from a two week holiday in China, often going to places where there were no other Westerners!
What struck me was how clean and green Sichaun Province was and that everybody worked, even if it was sweeping the motorways! However people had no choice, no work, no money.
Sometimes we have too much choice which can bring with it added stress and indecision. It can be useful to bottom line our choices - would we be happy with the barest minimum, if not then you
e not at your bottom line yet. Take it up a notch until you reach a level that you would be happy with. Often we don "need" extras to make us happy, its about contentment within our minds and hearts.
There is a saying that if you want to know how rich you are then count all the things you have that money can buy.
Comfort Zone
2 September 2009
Just thought Id share an experience I had today which involved stepping out of my comfort zone. A few months ago I was contacted by a local reporter wanting to do an article on stress at work. I agreed to be interviewed for TV and radio and then didn hear anything for a while until last night! I was asked to do a live radio link to Radio Devon at 7.30am! Although I tried to prepare as much as possible I was still very nervous but excited at the prospect of doing something which I had never done before. It went fine although I was keen to say a lot more!
Sometimes its good to take a deep breath and say yes to something that weve never done before, it can make us feel alive. And whatever happens we can always put it down to "experience". So go on, take that step out of your comfort zone.
Feed Your Flame
25 October 2009
I recently attended a coaching workshop with fellow coaches and NLP practitioners and one thing that really struck home for me was the core belief of "Feed Your Flame". As babies we are born with a small but powerful flame inside us that grows or diminishes as we live life. What ever we are doing in our lives is it feeding our passion? In our work, home life, or relationships are we igniting and growing our flame or is it being extinguished or diminished?
Life is for growing. So take this opportunity to do whatever it is in your life that feeds your flame!
Merry Christmas
20 December 2009
I come across quite a few people who are striving to have more money. We live in an age where money rules and society sets its standards against what you have. On my own coaching experience Ive realised that I have a lot to be grateful for that has nothing to do with money. There is a saying that to know how rich you are then count everything you have that money cannot buy.
A great exercise to do is at the end of the day look back and give thanks for everything you have had, enjoyed or appreciated. Its a lovely way to end the day and to reframe your mind it recognising how rich you are.
Have a great Christmas and a brilliant New Year!
New Year Resolutions
7 January 2010
Happy New Year to you!
Do you make New Year resolutions only to give up before the month ends? It is so easy to start off with good intentions only to let them slip. One suggestion would be to concentrate on the end result. Often we focus on what we have to give up or stop. This year why not focus on how you will look, feel and sound when you have succeeded. Keep your internal dialogue as positive "I am...... or I am looking forward to........." rather than "Im giving
up....."
Remember whatever the outcome it is just a result, it gives you more information to go onto the next stage. "There is no such thing as failure, only feedback". Good luck and have a brilliant 2010.
Love Yourself
11 February 2010
February is the month for St Valentine but when did you last give yourself a Valentine Card? So often we can forget about being kind and loving ourselves, so why not take time out to reflect and identify all your great qualities, strengths and talents. By loving yourself it allows others to love you. This is not about being boastful or selfish it is about recognising yourself as a unique person with all your attributes and potential.
So take a look in the mirror and really focus on all your good points, everything that you like about yourself as in the words of Oscar Wilde - "Be yourself; as everyone else is taken".